THIS FACILITY HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND IT WILL BE SHUT DOWN IN 1 HOUR.
REST ASSURED THAT ALL PRECAUTIONS HAVE BEEN TAKEN, AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE OF A DANGEROUS MALFUNCTION PRIOR TO THE SUCCESSFUL TERMINATION OF THIS FACILITY. PLEASE ASSUME THE ESCORT SUBMISSION POSITION AND WAIT FOR AN ASSOSIATE TO PICK YOU UP.
IF YOU FEEL LIGHT-HEADED DURING THE SHUT-DOWN PROCESS, FEEL FREE TO PASS OUT. AN INTUBATION ASSOCIATE WILL BE DISPATCHED TO REVIVE YOU WITH PEPTIC SALVE AND ADRENALINE.
ALSO, IN ACCORDANCE WITH FEDERAL REGULATIONS, THIS IS NOT A JOKE. THE WEBSITE WILL BE TAKEN DOWN IN 1 HOUR.
PS. THERE WILL BE A SURPRISE WAITING FOR YOU.
INITIATING SURPRISE IN: 48 HOURS.