PART 1: The UN-natural Selection
"A woman looks for two things on a man, individuality and affection"
This is what was said by some people I know back home and even if sometimes it is not accurate (for instance individuality has to be connected to something perceived as "good" by the general public like good body or good at making one laugh), it is nevertheless considered as the rule for women looking for a relationship. It seems to make sense because one needs to identify some traits which are near unique to the person, something that really makes him stand from the crowd and of course the verification that this individual really cares for the woman because there is no point in going out with someone who thinks of himself more than he thinks of her.
...and this is where everything starts to go wrong. Women tend to flock to males who know how to be assertive to near aggressive, people who put pressure on females and tend to demand more than other people. However this is one of the reasons why we end up with them saying "all men are pigs". People who are too assertive, they don't necessarily care for the girl, they go out with her because of being selfish and wanting to simply "conquer" her. In other words, when one says tings like "you look really lovely today" adding all those fancy words which make women intrigued and they say them without getting stuck or feeling uneasy about it, then SOMETHING IS WRONG.
This can be considered as the cancer of today's society, where individuals find it difficult to communicate with others and expressing their feelings is even more difficult, so for one to tell someone he really likes her, this can NOT be done in a relaxed manner. This is connected to self-esteem as well, however the argument still stands that if you really care for someone, you will be at a loss of words quite a lot, having a near embarrassing behavior at times, something not usually appreciated.
However this is not considered an advantage and females still prefer the assertive males who never fear the female reaction to what they say and do. It is believed that "if he likes me, he will have to fight for it", however that only gives the chance to the wrong people. Sometimes the right guy finds the courage and makes a move, but this is not what usually happens.
At the end of the day, being too full of yourself and knowing the right moves, will get the job done instead of expressing one's true emotions which sometimes are too strong to control.
PART 2: The Friend Theorem
It is the most well known trap concerning approach methods used. A trap where once you enter, there is no way back. Simply put, one spends too much time getting to know a female and then he enters "the friend zone" a place where any further plans are annihilated either by her blindness to see what is going on, or by her conscious refusal to slowly proceed to the next level. The truth is that everyone needs friends to talk about their problems, so they have to be people who are not quite attractive but they do show a genuine interest in a specific female, becoming the ones who have to listen about ALL the problems that female has with another individual who is attractive but does not appear to understand her. Suffice to say, she will NEVER think of leaving the attractive one for the one who seems to care a bit more, so once their minds are set, they are willing to tollerate practically everything and they can do that by talking to a friend using this a a discharge mechanism but in most cases, they are using the wrong people for that work.
The other way one can step to this "dead zone" as it is called by certain people, is to "be really nice", which is even more fascinating. One can try and avoid the first one by carefully planning ahead and act fast in accordance with the female's response, however there is really no way round this one. You like someone you ARE nice even if you do not want to. You like someone a lot, you are willing to give up everything for that person. That is the definition of liking someone and yet not caring much prevails. This however explains the adjectives used to describe females on a male conversation ranging from rude to degrading for women. Once again it's not the males fault...
However it appears to be a wide diversity to the way each female can be approached, a diversity wide enough to accommodate for all different approaches. In other words, there have to be some females who appreciate one's genuine concern, caring and patience, however it has been proven numerous times that such tactics usually fail. This may be the case because even if there appears to be a diversity in female mentality, with some females CLAIMING to have more depth than others, the end result is the same so occasionally there is deception in the approach method used induced by the female herself. In other words, she may look like she has to be approached in a more courteous way, but in the end it turns out that this is not the case.
We live in the era of smooth operators who get the lion's share with the rest acting as hyenas to get what is left or thrown away. I am terribly sorry if this sounds offensive to some individuals but when I repeatedly listen to the same question "Why do we always go for the wrong person?" then I thought I would try to provide an explanation on why many times people's emotions are entirely different from their logic and logic is predominately used for making friends.
Then again...you can not use logic to fall for anyone...
PART 3: OBJECTION!!!
Having listed the male discontent on female selection methods, this is an attempt to balance the topic out looking at it from the female perspective.
First of all, it goes without saying that individuals, who manage to stand from the crowd and NOT in a weird way, are preferred. Similarities are evident comparing primate groups where the not so strong males are selected against the strong ones (who get to mate with multiple females - now that's a nice life!!) thus passing on the genes which are considered to be the best for that given environment. A female needs to be proud of the male standing next to her, with this maturing to adoration as time goes by. The difference of course between primates and humans is the wide diversity between the personalities of the females and even if this was downplayed previously, the truth is that what women seek vary from female to female, even if most (if not all) seem to agree on the attractiveness of certain external characteristics.
The only problem is that statistically, some preferences are more popular than others and sometimes some groups of females, who pay attention to other characteristics, are too hard to locate. Another proposal is that diversity is partly inhibited by communication between females. Popular ideas tend to become even more popular due to the fact that some females portrayed them as the rule, with other females following suit. In other words, some females tend to act under the influence of other females even though they do not share the same views. Then again, diversity is a word loved by geneticists, hated by society with a passion, making individuals to alter their behavior in order to "fit in" (and that is another big topic actually)
Concerning males not being articulate due to too much pressure, their view is pretty simple. The subsequent "freezing" that some males undergo when they approach the female of their preference, is considered as immature and as a sign of weakness. Looking for someone they can admire, that someone is required to exhibit some sort of power within a group so he can be respected and valued by others as well as a positive attitude on life (this is tightly linked to high self esteem) and not considered as a "sidekick" with his existence barely noticeable by others, or someone who is constantly being made fun of. However I may have to add that in quite a few occasions, a "sidekick" can acquire power and self esteem because of a subsequent relationship, making him able to show his true colors, even with myself believing that "the best things in this world do not lie in open view, but well hidden" but few individuals are willing to look for "the frog who can transform into a prince".
At the end of the day some individuals are getting through much easier than others and that is never going to change. So one has to capitalize on his own abilities in order to show his individuality, developing communication skills in order to enable him to cope with other individuals in a group, a vital step into getting across his own distinct personality and this has to be done with no fear, but pride, however all this theory, usually fails in practice. What usually happens is that some "less fit" people simply give up, a phenomenon which has become more evident in the last few decades and is related to ones attitude and not the actual abilities of an individual.
"The beauty of this world lies in places never imagined by any rational thinking, proving how beautiful and unexpected life really is"
Με αλλα λογια, το μεγα προβλημα βρισκεται στο οτι η εκκινηση μιας γνωριμιας δεν εχει ΚΑΜΙΑ σχεση με την πραγματικη αξια του αλλου και πρεπει να ακολουθει ενα "τελετουργικο" αμα θελετε, το οποιο μερικες φορες ειναι στρατηγικο και αλλες φορες τελειως χαζο. Δυστηχως ομως δεν εχω καταφερει να βρω ενα "σωστο" συστημα επιλογης οποτε και ο λογος υπαρξης του υπαρχονοτος συστηματος δεν ειναι ασημαντος.
BTW τελειως τυχαια προσεξα οτι το thread αυτο ειναι το τριακοσιοστο του Off Topic section hehe
CSP
τι πολτος κοινωνιολογιας ειναι αυτος, καλε?!
